Working Mom

I've been home for the past 13 weeks, 12 of which were spent getting to know and loving on my new baby girl. I'm slowly starting back to work this week and going back full time next week. Unfortunately we aren't in a position for one of us to stay home so Avery went to daycare for the first time yesterday. I think I feel less at ease because this is not our first choice center. We're still on a waiting list there. Depending on when a spot opens up, how well adjusted Avery is here, and how happy we are will determine if we move her or not. It's not the first time I've been away from her, but it was a rough day. 

I've worked at my PRN job a few times during my maternity leave, the first time being when Avery was a few days shy of four weeks old. She's even stayed overnight with my parents (in a hotel room right next to ours, butheyitcounts). I had no problem leaving her with Darrell or either set of grandparents because I knew, without a doubt, she would be taken care of.

Daycare is a whole other story. I'm leaving my child with strangers. I don't know them and they don't know her. Sure, they are all certified and trained, but not specifically to my child. They don't know the tricks to get her to sleep or her cues that she's hungry. They'll figure them out, I know. I hate knowing that her needs may not be met immediately but with 7 other babies, it just can't always happen. I just have to trust that they will be met.

As a professional that has worked with children in early intervention I know how beneficial daycare and preschool can be, especially a good, nurturing environment. I also know in the long run this will be great for her socialization, but at 12 weeks it really kills me. At 12 weeks, babies need to be with their mamas. And mamas need to be with their babies. The lack of support this country gives new mothers is disappointing. We get tons of care and love when we're pregnant, but once that baby is out it's time to pull yourself back together and get back in the game. The US really should take note of maternity leave in other countries. Many get six to twelve months with some portion of the salary paid. 

End rant.

Two months old

Well, my little munchkin peanut angel baby (do others combine every nickname they can think of too?) is two months old. That seems so impossible that she's been here that long, but at the same time, I don't really know how I lived 3 weeks shy of 28 years without her. She is amazing and perfect and I love everything about her.

Health: Avery is still a tiny thing, 10lbs 5oz and 21 3/4". She's up exactly 3 pounds from her birth weight. We saw the pediatrician this morning and she said everything looks good. She does have a little bit of cradle cap but I suspected she did. The small red spot in her left nostril is a hemangioma. The hospital said it was just inflammation from where they suctioned her, but it's still there so I figured it was more. Her cousin had one too and it went away. The dr said it might get darker before it fades, but that as long as it stays flat and doesn't rise from the skin (causing blockage of the nasal cavity), it's just fine. She also has a red spot on the back of her head which she said is her birth mark. It gets really red when she's pissed. 

Personality: Avery is one happy baby! I'm pretty sure smiling is her favorite thing ever. Of course she's a real baby and gets cranky about things like being hungry and having pee or poop in her diaper, but who doesn't? She has an arsenal of facial expressions that make her feelings pretty clear. 

For instance, this one clearly says "mom, just quit with the camera." I'm pretty sure she'd recognize a Vera Bradley phone case before my face. Or maybe she thinks that is my face.

She obviously thinks duck towels on her head are stupid. She also thinks I'm weird for thinking it's really cute.

She is happyhappyhappy.

Eating: oh, where to start?! Breast feeding will be the death of me, but I'm determined. I am STILL struggling with low supply, despite a herbal supplement, lactation cookies, tons of water, and pumping on a schedule. She does seem to be getting more from nursing sessions and staying satisfied longer, but I'm not getting more than 1-1.5oz when I pump. She's eating between 3-4oz, so if I pump 4xday, I have enough for one feeding. At home and when we're out together she nurses. But if I'm away, she gets the breast milk in a bottle if there's enough, or formula. 

Sleeping: It's getting better and better. We pretty much have a bedtime routine down. Around 830, she eats, usually a bottle so I can make sure she gets enough to sustain her for a while. Then we do a bath or wipe down with a washcloth, lotion and massage, jammies, swaddle and rock and cuddle until she's close to asleep. She's doing really well putting herself to sleep if she's drowsy. For a while she was waking up around 3am and again for the day around 530am.

She had a regression around the 6 week growth sleep where she was getting up at midnight, 4am and up at 530. There was one night she was up every 2 hours. 

Last night she slept all night and didn't wake up until 7am!! She's only slept through the night once before, around 5 weeks, but was up at 5am.  The night before last, she stayed with my parents and slept until 730am and only got up once. I'd be fine with her still getting up once or twice if she starts sleeping til 7. 

She usually takes a long nap in the morning after she's been up about two hours. She has short snoozes during the day and another good nap in the late afternoon/early evening. 

Her favorites: She/we love her Cloud B sound giraffe. She goes to sleep with the white noise every night and it stays on about 30 minutes. It also has some other fun noises for play time. She likes looking at herself. She catches herself in the mirror on her mobile and her playmat and grins and grins.

Things she can do without: Avery is still not a fan of getting dressed, especially things that have to go over her head. She also hates being in the car if its not moving. Do not stop at a red light if she's awake. You'd think she's being tortured. 

Milestones: She is doing really well holding her head up. She is very alert; her eyes are always looking around. She has started staring at lights too! And poor thing is trying so hard to get her thumb. She can get her fingers in her mouth and keep them there for a longer, but the thumb is so tricky! She's come close to laughing a few times but it just comes out as loud shrieks and she ends up scaring herself. 

I'm starting to be able to distinguish cries. I know when she's hungry and when she's so tired that she just needs some help getting to sleep. I heard her pain cry this morning during shots :(

Mommy: I am loving being a mom. It's the best thing I've ever done. I still don't do well hearing her cry and feel like I need to make it better right away. I'm trying to give her time to self sooth, especially at night. 

I'm getting anxious about going back to work next month. It looks like I'm just going back part time for now. That wasn't the plan, but we're still on a waiting list for the daycare we want. I don't really hate it. 

It's time to get serious about working out again and getting in shape. I was back to my weight 9 days after I had her and I can wear my clothes, but my body doesnt look the same. I was cleared to resume to normal activities at my 7 week checkup, but I've only ran and worked out a few times. We're buying a treadmill so hopefully that will help. I can't run with Avery in the stroller yet until her head control is better so this way I can run while she is taking her naps. 

And now just a few cute pictures.