The best laid plans...

My sweet little love is a little over two weeks old. I'm not exactly sure what I thought life with a newborn would be like, but I've sort of been in a sleepless, overwhelmed fog. I really wish someone would've told me, straight up, no sugar coating; Newborns are hard. I wouldn't give away these moments for anything, but they've been hard. 

The best advice we got just so happened to be the advice we didn't take...sleep at the hospital! Avery was born at 1129pm so it was after 3am when we got to a room. After her breathing situation earlier, and not to mention childbirth, I could not sleep that first night. I stared at her in pure awe and amazement...and to make sure she was breathing. Our families arrived the next morning and we had visitors off and on all day. And then night two happened...cluster feeding. A wanted to nurse constantly. Hours at a time. She'd fall asleep on my boob, I'd put her down and she'd cry. The only thing to soothe her was more nursing. Repeat for two weeks.

Everything we read online said it was totally normal, newborns nurse constantly. Some people agreed. Some people said there was no way she was hungry so much. Some people said I should pump to see how much she is getting. And me? I cried, a lot. I didn't know what to do. All I knew was it felt like she was attached to me 24-7. I love my child but I was losing it. I felt like the worst mother ever for feeling that way, so I just pushed through exhaustion and let her nurse...all day, every day...because that's what newborns do. 

When she was a day shy of two weeks old I went to a breast feeding group at the hospital led by a lactation consultant and a nurse. We weighed in at the beginning and A was weighing in at 6lb,13oz. She was 6lb,12oz at her checkup 2 days after discharge. She was supposed to be back up to birth weight at 2 weeks old, the next day. So we nursed and weighed again to see how much was transferred. Still 6lb,13oz. The LC recommended I go home, pump & see how much I could get. The goal was 1.5oz and she gave me some syringes to feed her with since bottles aren't recommended for a few more weeks. She also prepared me that the pediatrician will most likely want us to supplement.

I pumped, got right at 1.5oz of breast milk and attempted to feed her with a syringe. And cue breakdown. Feeding my two week old via syringe is something I never pictured. It was so...distant. She's not a science experiment. I got a bottle and cuddled her close. She did great!! 

The next morning was her 2 week appointment. It's good that I was prepared for being told we needed to supplement with formula, because between that and the doctor saying things like "don't worry baby, I'm going to feed you" and "you must be starving poor thing", I probably would've lost my mind. Yea, I've been starving my child for 2 weeks because I had no idea what I was doing. Just what every mother wants to hear. Anywho, we gave her her first bottle of formula as soon as we got home and for the first time in her two weeks of life she was quiet and content. I was the happiest mama on this earth!! 

For now I am pumping and supplementing with formula. I'm not getting a ton of BM so she's getting formula the majority of the time. It was not the plan, but whatever makes a happy baby makes a happy mommy and daddy. And full baby equals happy baby!! We have the happiest baby now :) She's been busy catching up on eating and sleeping!

Welcome to the world Avery Laiken

The short version: Avery was born on her due date, 6.4.13 @ 11:29pm. She was 7lb,5oz and 19 inches of pure perfection.

We were quickly approaching Avery's due date; Tuesday, June 4, 2013. I had been having some (what I now know as minor) contractions since Sunday (well actually for a few weeks, but those were way more sporadic) but they were never consistent or painful, just uncomfortable. The same continued Monday so mom and I decided to go walk around the mall to see if I could get anything going. They definitely increased in intensity so we decided to head home. They got anywhere from 7-10 minutes apart so I decided to go to bed and see what happened, knowing that if it was real labor, they would continue.

I woke up Tuesday morning without contractions and we headed in to my 40 week OB appointment. I was 3 cm and 80% effaced. That was progress but I have to admit I was a little disappointed because I had been 2cm and 70% for 3 weeks. We sat an induction for the following Tuesday but he reassured me my body was prime for spontaneous labor at any time. Of course my overly anxious husband asks if it was going to be that day. He said probably not that day but he wouldn't be surprised if it were just another day or two.

Mom and I hit the road again running errands and going to lunch. I was definitely starting to feel more intense of something, but at this point I was questioning if I even knew what contractions were. After lunch I decided to go home and lay down. I woke up about 4:30 and started doing stuff around the house with my mom. By 5:15, I was starting to get some stronger pains pretty frequently and opened up my neat little contraction timer app. I was told to head in when they were 3-5 minutes apart for 2 hours and I couldn't walk or talk through them. They were steady at 4-5 minutes and every time one came I was bending over the back of the couch. I called Darrell and gave him a heads up but told him we'd head in we got home at 8. By 5:45 he called to check in and I couldn't talk to him so my mom told him to head home then. At this point, they were coming closer to 3 minutes apart. I was so nervous that it wasn't really labor and they'd send me home.

We got L&D around 615 and they took me right back, checked me and asked if I wanted an epidural and I told them I did when I was 5-6 cm. The nurse checked me and I was 5 cm and 90%. Another nurse came in and took labs and when I asked what it was for, she said the epidural. I didn't even realize they were admitting me :). We got to our L&D room at 7 & by this point I was having contractions every 2 minutes. I was doing good breathing through them, but what was hard was how quick they were coming and I didn't feel like I had time to recover before another one hit. I was really wanting that epidural at that point.

The anathesiologist finally came in at 9:00. He was looking over my records and was very concerned about my history of spina bifida. I had a consult with another anathesiologist from his practice and he felt confident that I was a good candidate but that paperwork didn't get sent over. He was asking me all types of questions about my surgery that I couldn't answer so thankfully my mom was there by this point to answer them. After looking at my scar he felt confident. He was going over the risks with us and poor Darrell was terrified. He was more nervous than I was. The dr was amazing and everything went smoothly. It kicked in immediately and I never felt another contraction. I felt what felt like a Braxton Hicks one time and after that I was feeling awesome! 

 

The nurse came in to insert the catheter and checked me again and I was 7cm by 9:30. The OB came in about 30 minutes later and decided to break my water. There was a little meconium so the dr. explained that NICU would be in the room just in case.  I was 8cm at this point, still 90% effaced. Baby was sunny side up so we did some repositioning to see if she'd turn. I started feeling some pressure in my right tail bone but nothing unbearable.  When I flipped to my right side it got a little more intense. I was supposed to lay in that position for 45 minutes but after about 20 minutes I told her I was feeling lots of pressure. She told me I could bear down if I needed to but to definitely let her know if I felt my body was pushing and I couldn't stop. I was to that point about 10 minutes later. I don't think she believed me because she kept talking to me about laboring down and letting the baby move down on her own without pushing too soon.  She checked me and I was complete, baby was coming! The OB came in, confirmed it was go time and that Avery had almost turned completely so she was working on flipping her a little more. 

My epidural was so good I didn't even know when to push. My OB turned the medicine down and we started pushing right at 11. 5 or 6 contractions later, Avery cried her first tiny cry at 11:29pm on her due date. 

Then everything got scary. They put her on my chest immediately. She was opening her mouth like she wanted to cry but she wasn't making any noise and wasn't turning pink. The NICU team already left since she came out crying and the baby nurse started suctioning her on my chest..still, no reaction. They had to take her to the baby warmer and I could see them put a pulse-ox on her and the monitor. The oxygen flashed 80 and heart rate was in the high 180s. I was hysterical as they put an oxygen mask on her and people were rushing trying to get her stats stable. They reassured me everything was fine but wanted to take her up to get her stable and monitor her.  Darrell went with her and my mom came in in his place. I was such a mess but he was constantly texting updates and pictures to my mom. She looked good and they brought her back to me about 2 hours later. We are so in love!!

                                           
                                      My baby girl! Crying hysterically does nothing good for pictures...

Our first family photo.Clearly I'm not one of those who labor gracefully and look amazing after giving birth.

Our first skin to skin time. This is probably my favorite thing in the whole world.

Baby burrito :)

She was so awake and alert, trying to hold her little head up.

                                                 Going home outift, hanging out with daddy!

                                                                            Home!

Due date is here!

I  am: 40 weeks, our due date is here, but our baby isn't...yet!!

Baby is the size of a(n): jackfruit and I have no idea what that is.

I've gained: 27 pounds. I'm happy with that!

Maternity Clothes: Yep!

My mood: READY READY READY!

 

Gender: baby GIRL, Avery Laiken Gibbs!

Cravings: Not much. I'm actually not really hungry and am having to force myself to eat. I guess I'm running out of room.

What I'm missing: overall comfort, but it's almost over!

Highlights/ Exciting moments: I've been having lots and lots of contractions all weekend and they finally became consistent last night. Mom and I walked all over the mall yesterday and around 830 contractions started and were coming every 7-10 minutes, but weren't unbearable.  By midnight, they were 5-6 and a little more uncomfortable. The plan is to go to the hospital when they are 3-5 minutes for two hours and are difficult to walk and talk through.  I decided to go to bed around then and try to get some sleep since I had an appointment this morning. I slept on and off and woke up a few times with strong, painful contractions. It made me want to spring out of bed, but that doesn't come easy these days.

At my 40 week appointment this morning, I was 3cm and 90% effaced..woohoo!! and still contracting! I was really hoping he'd say "you're 5 cm and in labor" but that didn't happen :(  He did however say that I am very favorable for a spontaneous labor at any time (fingers crossed) but we did set up an induction for either next Monday or Tuesday (the hospital will call to let us know when we need to be there). I do not want to be pregnant for another week so I'm coaxing this little girl out!

I am really hoping to avoid an induction, especially pitocin..horror stories, ya know? BUT, my dr said that IF it were him working next week he would just break my water when  I got there to see if that got labor going on it's own. He advised me to request that if I didn't want pitocin to start with. So that's the plan for now! I may still have to get the medical induction if breaking my water doesn't get things going on it's own, but at least we'll get to try first.

So now we wait...and walk, and bounce, and eat spicy food, and wait...


And here we are today, our last (hopefully) black dress picture! If we do make it until next Tuesday, I'll do another one!

39 weeks

I  am: 39 weeks, it's the final countdown...I hope!!

Baby is the size of a(n): watermelon, and I feel it too!

I've gained: 26 pounds total according to the doctor's scale, which means I've actually lost 2 pounds.

Maternity Clothes: Yep!

 

My mood: Antsy. I'm so ready for my baby girl!

Gender: baby GIRL, Avery Laiken Gibbs!

Cravings: Not much. I'm actually not really hungry and am having to force myself to eat. I guess I'm running out of room.

 

What I'm missing: my hands... they're still numb!

 

Highlights/ Exciting moments: I had my 39 week appointment this morning. There wasn't any change from last week, I'm still 80% effaced and 2 cm dilated. The doctor did strip my membranes, which may or may not help things along. So far, not much is going on.  I've been having a few contractions here and there over the past week, but nothing consistent.

 

Here I am today at 39 weeks. I wonder if we'll make it to 40?!

38 weeks

I  am: 38 weeks, two more weeks!!

Baby is the size of a(n): pumpkin, and I feel it too!

I've gained: 28 pounds according to the doctor's scale. I don't even care anymore. I'll be around the recommended 30 pound mark so I'm fine with whatever.

Maternity Clothes: Yep!

 

My mood: Exhausted, ready, emotional. I'm so ready for my baby girl to be home with me but I'm very intimated and overwhelmed by the idea of a newborn that is MINE!

Gender: baby GIRL, Avery Laiken Gibbs!

Cravings: cereal, water

 

What I'm missing: a good night's sleep and my hands not being numb all day long!

 

Highlights/ Exciting moments: I had my 38 week appointment today. I'm 80% effaced and 2 cm dilated, so still making progress! The doctor said my was cervix was "favorable" for labor and could be any day now. It could also be 2-3 weeks from now so I'm not holding my breath because I don't want to be disappointed. My blood pressure was way up again.  They made me stay after my appointment to check it again and it had gone down some and he let me go without further instructions. 

 

We also had an ultrasound today to check on Avery's growth. And let me just say before I get into that, after all of those 3D ultrasounds from the specialist, those regular ol' ones are not impressive. Ok, now to little miss. She's perfect, duh! She was estimated to weigh 7lb, 6 oz and is in the 7oth percentile. No growth issues here.

 

I had my first experience with contractions Sunday night. I mean,  I've had what I've considered braxton hicks, but these were the first that were timeable and consistent.  They got to be 10 minutes apart for an hour, but stopped when I got up to shower and get some things in order, just incase.  Nothing else since then.  What a tease! but at least I know my body is practicing and is getting ready.

 

Here I am today at 38 weeks.

And this this the ultrasound picture we got. It's really hard to tell what you're looking at.. I know. It's her face (on the right), like she's laying down on her side looking at the camera. You can kinda see her eyes, nose, and mouth...kinda.

(Full?) term!!

I  am: 37 weeks, we made it to (full) term! Some people say full term is now, some people say you're just term and full term isn't until 40 weeks. Who cares?! If she were born today, she'd be ready! 

Baby is the size of a(n): wintermelon. What's that?

I've gained: 26 pounds according to the doctor's scale. My home scale is a little kinder.

Maternity Clothes: Yep!

 

My mood: I'm back and forth. I'm not in a bad mood, I'm just very tired from lack of sleep and still get grouchy when I'm uncomfortable. I definitely have a full on waddle these days which is annoying.

Gender: baby GIRL, Avery Laiken Gibbs!

Cravings: I've really been wanting OJ, but it gives me such bad heartburn. 

 

What I'm missing: good sleep and doing every day things with ease. 

 

Highlights/ Exciting moments: I had my 37 week appointment today. He said I've made progress and that I'm 70% effaced, 1 cm dilated and that she has dropped even more. I was slightly confused because other than her dropping, that doesn't seem like much progress because I was 70% and 1cm last week. He said last week I was more "fingertip" which isn't quite 1cm.  Today I'm a "good solid 1cm" and am close to a 2, but not quite there yet.  As he was walking out of the door, he said "see ya next week, if I don't see you in labor and delivery before then". UM, what?!? Way to screw with me dr!! Oh and my BP was down so no worries there!

 

I'm measuring right on track, but he wants to do another ultrasound next week to check her growth because of the marginal cord insertion.  I was instantly excited to see her again, but throughout the day I've gotten more and more nervous. If it looks like her growth has slowed or stopped, I'm scared they'll want to take her immediately. I know she'd be fine and it would be the best for her, but I keep having mixed emotions about her actually being here. Not because I don't want her here, but because it feels so surreal.  I feel like I've been waiting forever and now the time is here.

 

Here I am today at 37 weeks. She has definitely dropped!

36

I  am: 36 weeks, we're in the final four weeks!

Baby is the size of a(n): honeydew

I've gained: 24 pounds according to the dr. scale, 22 according to mine, so I'll average and say 23 :)

Maternity Clothes: Yep!

 

My mood: I'm in a much better mood this week. I am so excited and so ready to meet my baby girl! I was a ball of nerves last week, but this week I'm just ready to have her here with me.

 

I do get pretty uncomfortable and grouchy most days. My hands are getting tingly, I have to pee every 5 minutes (and not a whole pee, just a few trickles, then the same thing all day long) and it's like an act of congress to get myself up.

Gender: baby GIRL, Avery Laiken Gibbs!

Cravings: Sweets, specifically ice cream and Nutella.
 

What I'm missing: sleeping in the bed with my husband. He's been sick and has had a fever so we figured it would be better for us to sleep separate and I'm over it! Hopefully one more night and it'll be ok. Although, having the whole bad isn't awful.

 

Highlights/ Exciting moments: I had my 36 week appointment this week. I'm 70% effaced and 1 cm dilated.. which is exciting but not at the same time because I could stay 1cm for weeks.  My blood pressure was also high. Not too high, but since mine is usually borderline low, it was signficantly high for me.  The dr. said we won't worry about it for now, but keep an eye on it. Ugh. I'm also still mildly anemic, despite a daily iron supplement. Ugh again. 

The hospital bag is (almost) packed. Once I fold the rest of the laundry, it will be completely packed! Avery's stuff (2 blankets and 2 outfit choices for coming home) is in there at least.  I got the car seat installed and inspected and I went to a pediatrician open house tonight so that's two more things off the list. "The list" is slowly dwindling away!!

Here I am this morning at 36 weeks, front and side view! She has dropped!! PS: why is this picture so grainy?

Here is another black dress comparison..28, 32, and 36 weeks. We'll see if we make it to 40, but I wouldn't hate it if we didn't.